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[30 Nov 2006|10:56pm] |
i see you every day in the hall
and i loathe every moment i have to look at you
but we dont say a fucking word
id rather you slam the door in my face
screaming how much you despise me
rather than holding it open
and silently leaking hate
onto my new shoes
fuck you
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[17 Oct 2006|09:36pm] |
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no one reads this anymore.
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[01 Oct 2006|08:18pm] |
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mood |
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 guilty |
] |
today was the most fucked up day ever.
:[ help?
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[25 Sep 2006|03:18am] |
i went to bed at 7 30.
now its 3 18
and i cant sleep.
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[17 Sep 2006|11:04am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 crushed |
] |
| [ |
music |
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mae |
] |
last night everyone from my past showed me they didnt need me anymore.
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[11 Sep 2006|05:27pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 aggravated |
] |
| [ |
music |
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tsoaf |
] |
i hate it when you're really out of a chance with someone at all.
especially when you havent seen them all summer;
then on the first day of school its like youve never really seen them before;
and at first you feel amazing..then you realize you missed your chance and feel shitty.
sometimes i wonder why this always happens to me.
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[07 Sep 2006|03:03pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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worried |
] |
| [ |
music |
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genghis tron |
] |
schools here. its practically biting my ass. its getting colder and i dont think im too happy about it. change terrifies me, and this year is going to be completely different. ive lost a few people very dear to me as well as gained new ones. i want to go to college. i want to get away so bad. i feel like everything is beyond my control, which of course it is but still. structure is how i feel secure and i really am not prepared in the least for what might be coming this year. part of me wants to just leave everyone here behind and go someplace else to start over. the other part wants to look back into my past and change everything i did. however neither of these options are in the cards right now, so i need to deal with it. i wish things hadnt become so complicated. but in light of all of this confusion, this summer i took a lot of time out for myself. the result of this was a plethora of art and music, as well as me becoming slightly badass on the axe. haha.
me and brian have started a band. it should be interesting.
i want to start an experimental band. ha, not like thatll ever happen.
also, the opposite sex is once again invading my brain o.o
help me :[
where you are the one, the one that lies close to me
whispers hello, ive missed you quite terribly
i fell in love, in love with you suddenly
now theres no place else i could be
but here in you arms
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[30 Aug 2006|09:43am] |
i miss school
i miss my old friends
i wish i hadnt fucked up
but i did
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[29 Aug 2006|05:15pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 artistic |
] |
| [ |
music |
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BTBAM |
] |
um. so my aversion of a bad situation was cancelled out last night at sams by me succombing to the person instigating the risque business in the first place.
i feel weird now.
really weird...about it.
i knew it was a shitty idea.
but noooo, adies a stupid drunk bitch as usual.
and i left my bag there.
-___- ugh.
other events worth mentioning:
-dans buying the tool tickets this week. ^_^ yay.
-i played my first ever game of beer pong.
-i pwnd.
-i get to see nicci tonight :D
-i made brownies. theyre soo good.
the bad news:
-elis pissed at me for something that isnt my fault
-i miss nicci :[
-i kissed a boy whos in love with me.
-im not in love with him.
-i kissed another boy whos quite stupid.
-i think i have feelings for him which is gay >.<
-im realizing im kind of a douchebag in general.
-...i have heartburn.
well..what can ya do?
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[26 Aug 2006|08:49pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 contemplative |
] |
| [ |
music |
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valencia |
] |
props to me for avoiding another bad situation :D
and its not like anyone reads this anymore..or comments me or anything..
but whatever.
ive come to realize that if theres one person i couldnt live without in my life it would be nicci.
tears have been shed, laughs have been had..and i only love her more. shes always there for me.
in other news, i lost 20 bucks the other day.
BUT my loss was redeemed by watching the lion king, stoned, with nicci. :D
however, a damper was put on everything by me having to come home to my grandparents visiting for a week.
i think i might shoot myself.
BUT my day was greatly improved by jimi surprising me and whisking me to hackensack to see bayside, valencia, and spitalfield.
id say this was a productive couple of days ^_^
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[26 Aug 2006|09:59am] |
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music |
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porcupine tree |
] |
yea cause its cool to talk shit about me to impress a girl
who JUST happens to be my friend as well
and whatever you say will most definitely get back to me
but its kind of funny
because i HAVE been fucking with you
and being a douche to you
and lying to you
and making shit up to you
because im actually hurt that i never see you anymore.
BUT
whatever.
do what you want.
i dont think she likes you very much anyways.
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[22 Aug 2006|04:15pm] |
| [ |
music |
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misery signals |
] |
yesterday was my birthday.
it was nice.
it came up short..i dont know why.
i feel like im missing something.
part of me wants to give up this idea of something or someone else who can complete me.
most of me actually..
but the rest wants to push on and keep holding onto the unrealistic fantasy of that one person who can make all the difference.
today im probably going to do something stupid with mike.
and tomorrow ill probably do something stupid with someone else.
i need get both feet on the ground, really soon.
dans gone, and i really do miss him.
somehow i miss ralph.
i miss my old friends too.
hey guys, im fifteen.
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[07 Aug 2006|09:10pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 awake |
] |
| [ |
music |
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acid bath |
] |
my goodness its been a while!
ah well, camp was amazing this year.
just amazing..and this next month should go well too.
monday dans taking me down the shore for my birthday..and yesterday my mom suprised me with a ticket to see tool on oct 6.
im in a wonderful mood.
on the matter of the opposite sex, theyre probably the most vile things on the planet.
i should just try celebacy.
it might do me good.
oh yes...and amanda hit the bong backwards.
aiiiiight, pz ngs.
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[27 Jun 2006|09:37am] |
smoke another cigarette
im breathing much too fast
for this
tomorrow wont be better
for this condition i am in
and if you even think about it
for once i felt that i belonged
i found safety in your arms
safety is overrated...
i cant believe this shit.
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[26 Jun 2006|11:32am] |
| [ |
mood |
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shocked |
] |
its alright to be scared
believe me i am terrified
of losing something
so special
just like you
its a long way to escape
the girls are better in another state
their all better than me, at least
your tailights
i see them already
and i cant get through this
without you
i need you now
and i'll pray the tollbooths will slow you down
so i can get there first and beat you to leaving me...
cus its been so long
maybe forever
since ive felt this way about anyone
and you
hypnotize me
i will do whatever it takes to keep you here a little longer
i think im falling in love with you
cheer up
come on
im not that original at all
there are other girls just like me
they deserve you so much more
than i know i ever could
and as im writing this im thinking
make them want you as much as i would
show off everything you can
and all i can remember is your breath on mine
begging to take it all back
why cant you take everything back?
cus its been so long
maybe forever
sing ive felt this way
about anyone
and you hypnotize me
ill do whatever it takes
to make you stay a little longer
i think im falling in love with you
fight your smile
you cant feel this way
and youre wrong
im so young
we will always be wrong [in your head]
great
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[21 Jun 2006|08:31pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 geeky |
] |
| [ |
music |
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death cab |
] |
i thought i knew what love was, i didnt know at all.
i think im getting a taste, though.
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[19 Jun 2006|05:56am] |
what a stressful weekend.
being dumped
undumped
being drunk
panic attack
westwood
cops
freak out
'i love you'
fucking tired as hell right now.
fuck school...
At least he said it <3
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[09 Jun 2006|04:14pm] |
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I’m brittle and weak
You’re on your knees
And the marks on my neck tell my all I need to know about us
Without tragedy life would be boring
Forget taking your time
Make it quick and get it done with
I cannot be bothered with
Excuses anymore
You’re all I want to know
And everything I’ve wanted
Play a sad song on piano
To turn me on again
And the focus is disturbed
Our faces are distorted
Is this love or a cheap imitation…?
Show off your talent
Get them to love you
And the look in your eyes tells me all I need to know about this
All our millions of best friends are screaming
Forget what they had said
Make it quick and get me done with
Make it quick
Or ill be gone
What a funny little euphemism
Love tends to be
And it is if you look close enough
You know actors are liars
And women are whores
And men are the scum of the earth
They use women but
Women are whores so it really doesn’t matter
And aside from our enemy the allies are traitors anyway
Aside from the whores and the scum and their children
We stand back to back
I’ve never been so sure
I’ve never been so sure about this…
You’re all I want to know
And everything I’ve wanted
Play a sad song on piano
To turn me on again
And the focus is disturbed
Our faces are distorted
Is this love or a cheap imitation…?
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[06 Jun 2006|06:44am] |
| [ |
mood |
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worried |
] |
i dont want him to leave.
how far is philedelphia?
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moshi_moshi_x7's journal
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